Living in Lund Introduction Pt.1: Soul Shattering Scottish Student Accommodation

If there is any aspect about Sweden that makes Scotland appear like a wounded baby deer being mugged at knife point on the streets of Glasgow, its the overall infrastructure of student accommodation. The state of housing in the UK even by the UK's own standards is beyond atrocious: mold grows in places mold has not been known to grow in, boilers exist only to burn gas without heating water, and double glazed windows are considered a luxury. Stuff like this can be overlooked however. What is harder to ignore is a hostile housing corporation that is hellbent on ripping off its own customers they are forcing to live in these inhospitable conditions.

The money grubbing Scrooge McDucks I stayed with during my first year in Scotland go by the name of Unite Students (they've adopted this name more recently). Not an entirely mislabeled organization, since anyone who has lived in their houses have united in protest over their experience of not experiencing a proper tenant-landlord relationship. The building I stayed in myself had been in service for 2-3 years, yet you could not tell by looking at it. The interior of the building resembled a barracks constructed with the work ethic of the Red Army (the Red Army of 1939, not the later incarnations that actually did some damage). Never mind the nightly sex noises, you could feel people walking on the floor above you. Insulation was a thing of fantasy, which was especially bad since the winter I stayed there was one when temperatures dropped to -10 in December. The only heating unit was an electric radiator which switched itself off automatically after 10 minutes. You would think this would be a massive issue when sleeping, yet with the constant 4am fire alarms you were awake half the night anyway.

Figure 12. The Heart of Darkness if you ask me... (Source: biznet.org.uk)

We had frequent flat inspections due to the overabundance of 17 year olds living on their own for the first time. However, this did not mean we had staff available to us when we actually needed them. Take for example the time the fuse blew out in my room. For normal houses you would not even consider this an issue. Neither did I in Unite housing, until I discovered the fusebox was behind a locked wall panel. No biggie, I just called the office (4pm on a Friday). They did not pick up so I walked to the reception in our building, which turned out to be closed (still 4pm on a Friday). I went to their website and learned that minor issues like this had to be reported online anyway. I filled out the online form and further learned that repairs were not done over the weekend. I waited 3 days without power or lights before a repair man came the following Monday. A repair man for a job that I could have done 72 hours earlier if only my flat was not baby proofed.

The bureaucratic side of Unite Students was one big exhibit for why the human race is doomed to extinction this century. After I had checked out and started looking for a new flat in town, Unite announced they wished to garnish my deposit for repainting my room; a job they valued at £70. First of all, there was nothing to repaint in the first place. Secondly, I hope it was one hell of a paint job, because me and my three flatmates were charged £15 each for repainting our communal areas which actually needed repainting. Raging, I went online again (I had long given up on their phone and reception services at this point) to find out which way I could complain the loudest. Turns out there was only one way to complain about deposit refunds: via snail mail to their head office. Probably not surprising since they seemed to have a hard time picking up the phone anyway. Nevertheless, if there is a better way of discouraging Millenials from getting in touch with a private company, I have yet to run into it.
N.B. Upon trying to find evidence of this system on their website, I've learned that the company has begun/been forced to work with Mydeposits Scotland. This is a company that holds the deposits of all people who rent their domicile in Scotland to prevent fraud like the one I have just described. And yes, you stay in touch with them online, not with pen and paper.

For many of you, the initial reaction might be to dismiss this rant, as it has the characteristics of a reactionary adolescent outburst. Still, when the rent is £127 per week, you move in expecting the standard stuff like repair services and heating to be in working order. A large part of this misallocation of rental funds was a result of misinformation or unavailable info. A case I have found to be true in Lund too. However, Lund student accommodation has all the redeeming qualities to make up for this discrepancy. A discrepancy I want Lund(on) Times to help patch up; I will elaborate on this in Part 2 of this introduction...

Lund Comedy Festival

Figure 11. The magnificent Bill Bailey drew a crowd

In a complete departure from what most international students do on a Friday night, the Finnish Committee spent money on something else except alcohol and joined a bunch of middle aged Swedes to watch a middle aged English comedian.

The Lund Comedy Festival is a world renowned event. The top line of Swedish stand-up, along with a few foreign headliners gather to this tiny university town for an extended weekend of recording new laugh tracks.

The show we headed for was Bill Bailey's 110 minute stand-up extravaganza. It was in fact his second time in Lund, as he was a big hit at last years festival. The British orator discussed things primarily relating to Britain, with some more global pop-culture thrown in here and there, and of course the mandatory jokes written specifically for the local audience. More than once I laughed with tears in my eyes, wondering if this is a way I could actually die in then bring it on.

The act had me thinking of why the Finnish stand-up scene is so unremarkable even to us Finns. Sure some big names come around to Helsinki every now and then, but the Finnish comedians themselves are unknown even on a national level. The moment you think Sweden and Finland have almost indistinguishable cultural preferences, you realize you might be a bit too comfortable with thinking the Nordic countries are completely harmonious.

Surprisingly enough a tiny town such as Lund boasts plenty of cultural events in the calendar. Probably no small thanks to an aging rich population, and an active student scene. Not many places this size can boast internationally renowned headliners for a comedy festival. Then again, I believe it might be one of the biggest festivals in the country. Can't help but be happy for finding a place like this.

Some Pros and Cons of Living in Sweden.

Having lived most of my adult life in Scotland, is it a bit premature to present totalising comparisons of the Highlands and my home for 10 weeks now, Lund? That was a rhetorical question but I will go ahead and answer it for you: of course not. Below is a short list of the positive and negative points of the Sweden life so far.

Pros:

• Real food in supermarkets
• Students can afford to pay rent
• Everyone speaks English
• Not quite as windy as Scotland
• Campus buildings are modern and mold-free
• Thanks to insulation, it's warm indoors
• Living vegetation in the town
• Close to major cities/airports
• Less drunk violence 
• Bearable student nightclubs
• Free coffee
• Public transportation is affordable
• Abundance of falafel at 2:30am
• No Irn-Bru or deep fried Mars bars
• Don't have to fear for your life when walking in traffic
• Surprising lack of Finnish people

Cons:

• Food is expensive
• Beer is expensive
• I can't speak Swedish yet because everyone speaks English
• It rains more than Finland and Scotland combined
• Campus is large and scary
• University libraries close at 7-8pm
• Dependent on the larger cities for certain services
• Everybody is more attractive and better dressed than me
• No tea/bad tea (don't know which one's worse anymore)
• Trains are vulnerable to weather in general
• No-one sells you chips and cheese at 2:30am
• Pub lunch means you can't afford dinner the same evening
• Have to fear for your life around cyclists
• Surprising lack of Finnish people

News from Home: Whiskeygate

This weekend, news broke over a naming issue with Beer Expo Finland 2014 (formerly known as Beer and Whiskey Expo Finland 2014). Southern Finland's Administrative Agency (official nickname is Avi but lets call them SFAA) decreed the use of the word "whiskey" in the name of the event was against alcohol advertising regulations. The strict laws among other things forbid the use of overly positive imagery in beer and cider ads. Advertising hard liquor is banned altogether. The event was allowed to go ahead on the condition the word "whiskey" was dropped from their name and adverts, and that Google won't find links to the event when searching for whiskey. Event organizers even had to ask private bloggers to remove mentions of whiskey when writing about the event.

Naturally this sparked online outrage in the spirit of good internet slacktivism and trolling. People were infuriated by the seemingly autocratic extent the law was being interpreted. Many vented about SFAA stepping on the freedom of speech in the case of the targeted blogs. Social media lit up with protest action. #viskigate (whiskeygate) was trending on Twitter throughout the weekend, this delightful Tumblr blog surfaced, and other online communities got on the band wagon with such intensity that the director of SFAA issued a statement saying their measures MIGHT have been overbearing. What the director didn't address was that their efforts had been rendered completely ineffective anyway, as everyone in Finland now knows of the Beer Expo taking place at the end of the month.

This follows up on the debate whether or not social media connectivity violates alcohol advertising statutes. There has been talk about disabling share functions for bars and other businesses that make their living on the sale of alcohol. Finns have a hard time agreeing on social policy unanimously. However, right after tightening punishments for rapists and pedophiles, reforming alcohol legislation is probably the most agreed upon change people would like to see.

Of course the law is the law; you cannot temporarily amend something because it causes a slight inconvenience. It is also true that targeted alcohol adverts to young adults can proliferate social issues that arise out of excess alcohol consumption, and there should be regulation in place to protect consumers from misleading adverts. Yet when people set out to ban specific words from being used to describe an event dedicated to beer and whiskey connoisseurs in the name of promoting public health, something has gone terribly wrong. This weekend has shown the absolute idiocy of certain alcohol laws and how fearing a word like whiskey or Voldemort for that matter does not make bad things go away. Hopefully this will spur constructive change that will improve Finnish bureaucratic attitudes towards minor issues like this.

What We Finns Do Better. Part 2: "Schlager"

This series is dedicated to deconstructing and ridiculing aspects of Swedish culture that strike the writer as odd, scary, or something attention worthy. If you find the ramblings of a Finnish boy with an inferiority complex manifested around an old colonial power offensive or not amusing, do navigate away and vote for the Sverigedemokraterna in the next election to prevent scum like me from moving in and criticizing this socialist utopia us Finns have managed to bastardize with Russian influence.

Schlager (English: "Hit-songs", Finnish: "Iskelmä") as a musical genre is a covert Northern and Central European phenomenon. You won't run into it unless you're looking for it, nor will you recognize it if you don't know what you're listening to. Although it is essentially folk-pop of the mid 20th century, modern artists still reproduce the sound en masse. Even my generation has learned to appreciate this style, first composed for our grandparents. Naturally, when word of a dedicated schlager night reached me, I had to go see the action for myself. Without realizing it, I came to the schlager night with extremely high expectations. Usually as crushing disappointments go, the ones you can't see coming hit you the hardest.

Firstly, the main event was happening on a night club dance floor with a DJ doing his Swedish House Mafia thing. This forced me to recall schlager nights in Finland: there is never a full dance floor, not to mention an uncrowded bar. The dusky atmosphere of a Helsinki corner bar had been replaced with energetic people who shared in a spirit of excitement and genuine happiness. I observed no reclusive drunks in dark corner tables, yelling at fellow customers or forcing themselves into conversations to tell about how they once played with a now dead schlager artist in the 80's.

This can be overlooked though. As we have established before, Sweden is a real country in the sense that its residents aren't infused with an inherent hatred of sociability and can stomach prolonged interaction with their countrymen. However, what really shocked me was the music mix. The purity of the timeless schalger classics was frequently penetrated with regular ordinary pop-songs! Here we were having a customary folk-pop binge and without warning, Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer or The Proclaimers' I Would Walk 500 Miles would puncture the Nordic bubble like an eardrum at a One Direction concert. I was appalled by the poor playlist oversight. In Finland, the drunk corner recluses would have dragged the DJ out the back door for daring to inject some cosmopolitanism into their national romantic misery.

Then it hit me harder than a musician's dying career. This wasn't about the schlager itself, but what schlager was being used for. The greater part of the music was still Swedish schlager, which would mean the commonplace pop music spliced into the playlist was being elevated to the same astral plane of existence with these cultural icons. Seeing the entire dance floor perform its mass karaoke rendition of all of these songs made me realize the more sinister plan going on underneath: Sweden is trying to naturalize the schlager genre and extend the definition to cover all cheesy pop in the world.

Think about it for a minute: they've ruled the Eurovision song contest ever since Abba graced the stage. The Eurovision created Abba's global fame and Abba thusly defined the tone of the competition for decades. However, now that the former Soviet block is gaining in Eurovision victories, the kingdom's cultural inquisitors have to work overtime to retain their glory. The only way to do this effectively is to assimilate all other genres under the umbrella you have exclusive dominance over. My final doubts were expelled when a New Swedish Acquaintance insisted to me that Lordi, Finland's one Eurovision victor, also represented the schlager genre.

Figure 10. Or maybe the Swedes really think this is our native folk costume (Source: www.iltalehti.fi).

If there is any ambiguity after this flawless analysis, we only need to look at Sweden's most iconic schlager song, featured in the Eurovision contest of 2000. The song is called "When Spirits are Calling my Name" (När Vindarna Viskar Mitt Namn) perfomed by Roger Pontare. The song was written about the Sami people of Northern Scandinavia, but has since become synonymous with Swedish national pride. To clarify, this was indeed a Swedish man, singing a song in English about the Sami people to the tune of a German musical genre.

The lyrics of the towards the end were particularly revealing:

So bring me the power, I'll be the king of my own land and the seas/

I've got a way to go, let me fight with my body and soul/

This isn't just vocal nationalism, this is an anthem to war. Never mind Putin flexing and posing shirtless against bear carcasses, the real fear is in Finland's western neighbor. Sweden is out to extend its cultural empire by far more sophisticated methods than any other nation has at its disposal. The rest of us who take schlager for granted probably won't even notice it creeping in. Yet once this becomes accepted mainstream in the USA and their industries start reproducing the Swedish values on a massive scale, the rest of Europe can kiss their Eurovision dreams goodbye forever...

Yoga and Why it is a Practice for Students.

When moving into a new home, it is important to embrace old routines in order to retain mental clarity and help establish a stress free environment. However, old routines carry over with difficulty from a spring filled with dissertations, political campaigning, graduation ceremonies and packing. It's much more useful to begin your autumn of reorientation, culture shock and inflated supermarket prices by introducing yourself to something new. I found my new hobby thanks to my room's hardwood floor, the local sports shop's fall sales and Youtube's free lessons. Alternatively, maybe I had already somewhere in the back of my mind decided to start doing yoga.

Figure 8. A rather angelic looking roll of feel-goodness and self-improvement.

For people who have given up on going routinely to the gym, have a hard time finding mates for a particular (obscure) sport or just are looking to do something after a long period of inactivity, yoga is definitely one way to challenge your body. Students especially should try it out as it can complement a busy schedule very well. I have made a habit of starting the day with it, taking a break from essay writing for a routine or doing a quick one before going to bed. Like said earlier, all you need is your dorm room, a mat, yourself and a friendly Youtube celebrity to help you get started.

Having done this for about a month now, I can definitely vouch for the effectiveness of the practice. Being a tall guy who spends his working hours and inexplicably too much of his free time hunched up against a desk staring into the World Wide Web, short and long term issues with ones back are all too familiar. After practicing daily (save for two hangover days) for the past month, all minor back pains have almost completely disappeared. I find I can sit down at a desk and stand up tall for longer times than before, not to mention how much faster I fall asleep at night too. Flexibility itself is still waiting to kick in properly. My legs still feel like they are welded together at the joints when trying some of the more advanced poses. Yet it all feels like I am making progress. After building up some confidence for yoga by myself, I figure yoga lessons at the gym and sessions with other enthusiast will be that much more enjoyable and rewarding.

I never used to understand people who enjoy running marathons, trying to lift 2.5 times their body weight all at once, and why they felt they had to talk about these activities every single waking moment. I dismissed is as part of their workout routine. That being said, even after a short period of time, I find I have to contain myself when discussing hobbies with people. I have a disarming urge to share my new found happiness with everyone without anyone asking for it. So here is my long overdue apology to all you cross-fit onanists, triathlon preachers and Instagram body builders. I had no idea your devotion to your pass time was genuine or even logical. And even though you probably don't consider an amateur yogi anywhere close to your level, as the only thing I lift is my skinny frame into a pose named after a puppy, I want you to know I have seen the light in daily training and respecting ones own body.

For those of you wondering how to get started yourself, below is a video link to a beginner's yoga routine I found particularly helpful. The channel owner Adriene is a professional yoga instructor and posts entire routines along with shorter tutorials for specific poses and sequences. For those of you saying my interest in the practice can't be genuine because I watch videos alone every day in my dimly lit room of a fit woman showing off her flexibility, you can all return to the 50's where your prejudiced gutter-minds have come from.

Figure 9. 21st century. Gender equality: get with the times!

The Freshers "Sittning" a.k.a. Novischfesten

Initially, I meant to write about the Sittning tradition weeks ago. After my first one (the Helsingkrona crayfish party) I was convinced I had a complete picture of what goes on at one of them. However, the first few minutes of the Novichfesten was enough to convince me what a presupposing idiot I was. Dozens of guests, while being great company all the same, hardly compare to what a couple hundred can do. Furthermore, the entire night was loaded with entertainment designed to help you forget the greater world around you as your personal sittning wonderland enclosed around your sense of reality. Like Alice without the white rabbit or... anything else that's iconic of that story.

The Sittning (Finnish: sitsit, English [literal]: sitting) combines the formality of dinner parties with the informality of student life in order to create a common standard for a weekend social gathering in the form of a large meal, drinks, and good company. Sittnings are commonplace in both Finland and Sweden, the former having adopted it from the latter.

Figure 6. Presentation and layout is important for any sittning.

The Novisch sittning itself was an entire carnival consolidated into a few hours. As we sat down, a marching drummer band entered and graced us with a 10min performance that tingled our primal foot tapping instincts enough to set the table rocking. From there, the toastmasters took over giving a multilingual welcoming speech, along with roasting the nations who were not represented at the event. When the food serving started, representatives from each nation took to the stage giving speeches attesting to the greatness of their own nation, the university, and the guests themselves. We cruised through three courses, two intermissions, a beat-boxing stand up comedian, and several sing-along songs which elevated the musical term "cacophony" to its own sub-genre. Not that we aspired to be an angelic choir nor had the chance to with me piping up.

Figure 7. A sittning song book compiled by the great Helsingkrona Nation.

After the last tune, we were ushered out of the ballroom to enjoy live music and drinks in the northern wing of our party venue. Finally, we were brought back in for the grand finale, namely two resident DJs living their Swedish House Mafia fantasy for us to enjoy. There was absolutely nothing missing from this event. You got your share of food, drinks, dancing, singing, banter and bonding to last you at least until the next morning. Might not sound like much, but don't underestimate how much partying Sweden expects to get out of you.

For those of you pondering the connection between a Nordic Sittning and a British University Ball, you've probably got a good idea already but believe me when I say the two events are not exactly comparable. At a ball, you usually enjoy a 3 course meal too. Wine and photos are abundant, mingling among the tables is necessary in between toasts, and the Highlanders always have a traditional Céilidh at the end. They are a great way to spend an evening too. However, with the lack of official toastmasters and schnapps songs, there is a loss of continuity and community; a reality that usually culminates into bread rolls flying, wine glasses tipping and vomit spewing. Though that could be an exclusive trait of the Aberdeen University Sports Union Annual Ball; the only one I attended regularly.

The Swedish Cray-Crayfish Party

Before the mid-19th century, lobster was considered to be a bottom feeder of North American gastronomy. Fishermen used it as bait, the poor had no choice but to eat it, and prisoners were forced to eat it as punishment (I carefully researched this on Wikipedia). It was the rat of the ocean floor. However, somewhere along the way the wealthier New Englanders started developing a taste for it and now lobster sells for almost $50 per pound. I don't know how the crayfish ended up on the dinner table (Wikipedia really let me down here), but something tells me this mini-lobster might have had a similar rise to fame in the Northern social democratic havens of Europe. I have also come to the conclusion that Sweden might love the cray and the party it entails more than yours truly, as I had the pleasure of attending two crayfish parties this past month.

Figure 3. Cruel and unusual punishment turned into middle class excuse for alcohol consumption?

The first party was at my chosen student organization: Helsingkrona Nation. They arranged the evening specifically to introduce this treasured Swedish custom to foreigners. We sat down to a meal of the red shellfish, along with cheese pie, knackebröd, and steamed beans. All things considered, the occasion was formal and laid back. The newbies were taught how to pry the main course open. Many discovered the disappointingly small amounts of meat within the critters and figured the sliced fingertips were not worth the effort (maybe this is a reason lobsters were given to prisoners). While drinking schnapps and other liquid inebriants plays an important role in both Finnish and Swedish crayfish cultures, Helsingkrona was required by law to sell us our drinks i.e. BYOB not OK. Naturally, this took the party out of the designated ballroom before 10pm.

Figure 4. Observing customs with traditional ceiling decorations.

The crayfish party held in our corridor was another story. We had barely sat down when the schnapps flow out-grossed all freshwater in the kingdom and the songbook had been consulted more than the Magna Carta. One by one, people were called to stand on their chairs to down their drink and sing a solo celebrating this achievement. Pie was once again served, yet this time with a delicious Greek inspired salad and garlic bread on the side. Furthermore, the evening turned into a musical showcase of Swedish pop hits the Swedes of the corridor were more than eager to present to us.

All in all, the crayfish party proved to be a great format for flatmate bonding. Not everyone out of our 19 person corridor were present but the ones who came certainly got their time's worth. Thinking back to Scotland, I cannot name a corresponding dinner tradition with an equal notoriety and fixed time of year. Freshers in Scotland were taken to whisky distilleries and a dinner featuring haggis, so there is a clear difference in how the food culture was introduced too. Though it should be noted that the crayfish party is a social custom and a culinary tradition that cannot be uncoupled. This is not to say there isn't a social side to Scottish gastronomic culture, but there is no denying that Sweden knows where the priority lies when a good first impression is required. Like I concluded in my previous post, it is all about the branding.

Figure 5. Kräftskiva™

Study in Sweden Digital Ambassador Application: Three Tips for Apartment Hunting in Sweden

Words that come to mind  during apartment hunting include stress, anxiety, hurry… a medley of negative vocabulary. If I am grateful for one thing, it is for the help of a friend in the process of tracking down my new apartment. So I will now pass on the favor; I present to you a small list of the simple things easily forgotten when commencing this seemingly baffling ordeal.

Firstly- read the emails sent to you. Upon receiving my conditional offer, I was immediately approached by the accommodation services telling me of their and third party services available for students to help their search. Ignore this, and you will surely be worrying about which bridge will provide the best shelter during the first week after arrival.

Secondly, don’t panic. Resorting to desperate rushed decisions can cause you to forget that Sweden is a developed socialist utopia, which in the face of adversity will not abandon the people needing help. Desperation can also end up in you losing a security deposit to a scammer. The evildoers always pray on the fearful.

Finally, and most importantly, don’t blame the system for your woes. When beginning my search, I entered a queue for apartments provided by a housing company. Their website was disorganized to the point of causing irrational anger. It was easy to rage against the system to vent your anxiety. Yet the system allowed me to sign my contract online, gave me the keys immediately when they were available, and continue to remind me of their unwavering support. There is no such thing as a perfect system, but remember the people are there to help you.

Following these points you are already off to a good start to a new life in Sweden. Housing is the worst aspect to deal with. Once you have sorted that, let the good times roll!

What We Finns Do Better. Part 1: "Fika"

This series is dedicated to deconstructing and ridiculing aspects of Swedish culture that strike the writer as odd, scary, or something attention worthy. If you find the ramblings of a Finnish boy with an inferiority complex manifested around an old colonial power offensive or not amusing, do navigate away and vote for the Sverigedemokraterna in the next election to prevent scum like me from moving in and criticizing this socialist utopia us Finns have managed to bastardize with Russian influence.

Upon attending the first introductory seminars organized by the University's International Desk, a concept previously foreign to me began to dominate the presentation when Swedish cultural customs were introduced in an almost sacred manner. It is called "Fika" and it is a wholesome authentic Swedish cultural institution, apparently designed in the 1970's with the combined effort of the Volvo, Ikea, and Absolut Vodka marketing departments to function as a mode of engagement for people living in Sweden. The brilliance of it is its ridiculous simplicity: an interchangeable form of meeting people for coffee, food, a romantic date, or just a conversation in any public setting. As the reality of it dawned on me during my first week here, I was puzzled and aggravated by the idea that this deserved its own PowerPoint slides. Furthermore, it was presented as a suggestion to us foreigners as a way to get to know new people in a new environment. I should probably be grateful, because without the paternal oversight of the mighty Swedish kingdom, it would have never in a hundred years occurred to me that I should go out and meet people for drinks in order to get to know them. But it doesn't cover mere drinks! It encompasses all kinds of meetups, which actually do exist in other European and world cultures too. I'll give you a hypothetical example of how a typical conversation about the basics of Fika would go with a full blooded Swedish person:

Me: "So what exactly is Fika?"
A New Swedish Aquaintance: "Fika is our word for a coffee date or a get together where we just talk and have a good time together."
M: "So its is just a coffee date? Nothing unique or more to it?"
ANSA: "No no! Fika can be anything! You can meet for lunch, for a beer, at a night club, anywhere! It's uniqueness is that it can be anything you want to do with someone!"
M: "Wait, so it is an all encompassing non-specific social gathering for people with any kind of relationship for any self-serving purpose at any time of the day? I think most cultures just call this a get together or date to prevent confusion."
ANSA: "Yes! However, we have a word for it which sets us apart! Isn't post-modernist thinking wonderful?!"

For those of you offended, please log off and go outside for a moment. ANSA is a fictional entity not meant to represent a stereotype or pejorative image of a Swedish person. I'll fill my repertoire with a wider array of characters in the future for the sake of equality.

Anyway, I usually do not inquire further for the sake of amicable conversation during the remainder of our Fika. It is better to surrender to the absurdity of the terminology rather than try to uproot an entire culture to impose your own reality upon millions of people. After all, how much can you criticize something you are participating in at that very moment? Yet I can deconstruct it for my own amusement and be smug about being the "only" one who has discovered the inconsistency in this kind of normative behavior. For the readers who have never studied social sciences, this is the kind of stuff sociologists get off on.
So why does this word exist? You have to remember that Sweden is a nation that has mastered branding. Many world famous concepts have been derived from Swedish innovation such as Ikea which is synonymous to cheap furniture and addictive cocaine infused meatballs. Again, concepts which exist in many cultures, yet have become a symbol of Swedish cultural exports.

Figure 2. I did not even feel bad having to pay 100,000 SEK for this box of pencils. The-run-of-the-mill Swedish hardware&stationary store was branded and laid out to perfection, like a PR-crowbar wedging the customers' wallets open.

Conversely, when thinking about branded yet interchangeable social constructions, the first one and only one that comes to mind from Finland is "Darra". Like Fika, it is a particular social habit and mode of interaction within the parameters of commonly held social values. One could even go as far as to say that Darra is a state of mind more than it is a social convention. The problem here though is that Darra refers to a severe hangover when one does not step out of ones home until the dues of last night have been ritually paid for at the porcelain altar. Conclusively, we arrive at a series of answers as to why Finnish branding has a hard time taking off and why we should probably stop trying in the first place. In fact, the same sample dialogue from above can retain its original culture clashing essence yet adopt a more depressing tone by just changing the topic:

ANSA: "So what is the idea of a Finnish Darra?"
M: "It denotes a state of mind a Finnish person has the morning after a night of heavy drinking and partying. Or not, it can also follow up on a night of drinking by oneself contemplating life's mysteries as Finnish folk singers often do!"
ANSA: "Isn't that just a hangover? We experience hangovers in Sweden too and [as far as this writer is aware at this point] don't have another word for it."
M: "No see, a Darra is not just a hangover! It also refers to the state of despair and futility and loneliness one has in the final stages of minor alcohol poisoning."
ANSA: "Yeah, that's just biology. Everyone gets depressed when they are feeling poorly. You are aware that Finns do not have a monopoly on melancholy and the themes of late 19th century realist literature?"
M: "No but you're missing the point! We plan our Darra and schedule other social events according to how much we plan on drinking the night before!"
ANSA: "And you're proud of this not just as an individual but as an entire nation? Our culture has unsavory aspects too but we save the specific terminology for the most positive ones that can be related to people from other cultures. Is this what you have to show for over 4,000 years of Fenno-Ugric cultural development?"
M: "Say, is that the sound of Finland dominating Sweden in hockey? I have to go now, maybe someone's singing "Den Glider In" somewhere..."

Arrival in Lund a.k.a. How I Became a Literal 3rd Culture Kid

Figure 1. First impressions are important

Sweden is the third nation beyond my parents' culture I will be spending an extended period of time in. The first one, USA, barely counts as I was four years old and still more or less a blank slate in terms of formal socialization into a specific cultural ethos. Scotland however, is significant as it is the most recent foreign culture that I lived in and I have not wasted any time after leaving there in finding a new place to discover.
Many would say these countries and Finland are all similar to the letter in that they are liberal free market democracies that embrace individualism in a conformist kind of way. An accurate observation, yet not even a half truth in the sense that people across the four countries I have now lived in live remarkably different lives. Nordics, Highlanders and Americans can find each other completely alien even in the most mundane social situations they don't perceive to have any other approaches beyond their own.
This is what this blog is going to be about. As a Bachelor of Social Sciences, I find it is completely in my right to engage in public banter that essentializes my current and former host nations, draw simplified conclusions about them, and just stand above all of it like a narrator from an Ayn Rand novel pushing a thinly masked ideology to unsuspecting 20-somethings convinced of their intellectual superiority. I am looking to start a career in PR or journalism, so this is necessary practice for many reasons.
Blogging is a format I have dabbled in, however neglected. I love writing, but I hate the part where I have to get started and come up with an original idea. A new life in a new country seems to be self serving for this purpose, but I have seen many good ones of people's university life and exchange years. One of the best ones being my younger sister's so there is also a healthy sibling one-upmanship in play here. Nevertheless, the comparison of my experiences and observations will functions as the spine or leitmotif of my brainvomit here. Most entries will have the poorly satirized tone of early 20th century anthropological writing as I rob the Scots, Swedes and Finns of any agency one at a time when describing my observations from the past and present. If you find this approach interesting and engaging, we should definitely go have a beer and have me talk about myself more. That's another thing I am good at. That and modesty.